08??20
i want to kill myself. im stupid and incapable of everything. nobody believes me. everyone thinks im exagerating. everyone mocks me. everyone says they want
me to get better. but i get mocked for crying. mocked for dissociating. mocked for fidgeting. yelled at for whatever the fuck. i know its no ones fault but mine.
you LOOOOVE to remind me its my fault. so why wont anyone let me fucking kill myself. i have no interest in getting better. im on meds & in therapy for my family.
its such an incredible waste of time. and money. why should i want to learn to drive. so we can spend more money on gas? insurance? why are you so eager to waste
your time on me. i said this years ago & i'll say it again. i want everyone to leave me alone. i dont like it here, i dont want to be here, im not happy here. let me pass.
i want quiet. stop fucking yelling PLEASE. i want a gunshot to be the last thing i hear, ever. then quiet. forever. i have nothing to contribute. i like school shooters and
the boston bombers for gods sake. the manson family comforts me more than my own. what could someone like me possibly give to anyone. im selfish. im bitter. we
driven away majority of my friends. on purpose too. like i said, i want 2 be LEFT ALONE. i sound so 'waa waa pity me im suicidal and bitchy' but this doesnt go away??
why wont it fucking go away? AND NO ONE BELIEVES ME!! because theres no way to describe it! "im suicidal" "why" "idk i just want to die" like its a goal or
something. to die one day. much better sooner than later. i want to be in control and i want it to be the last thing i do. GOD & cutting dont even get me started. why the
hell cant i cut myself? i never go deep enough 2 bleed out. it makes me happy. i love blood. i love touching blood. im not hurting anyone (but myself). why am i being
deprived of something so small that makes me feel so much better. FUCK FUCK FUCK the feeling passed but my statement remains.


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