stupid stupid stupid as always. reb & vodka continue to teach me things. new emotions. im in yet another weird place. i cant stand the way i look. i need to catch up with school but my head is in a million places. im almost 16, gross. i cant believe im still here. i hate this. is this the awareness they spoke of? it comes in waves of varying intensity. an invisible burden. not me, but this. i dont know what THIS is. the outside is so dreary now. mocking me. self loathing is such a weak feeling. i really need to quit it. the doom soundtrack fuckin bangs btw.